KnitterlyNotions

I am freaking losing my mind over here. I have a massive care of startitis, coupled with a complete lack of inspiration on WHAT, exactly, I actually want to knit. This is not a good combo. I've been traipsing around Ravelry and there are so many groups that need things. So many people are hurting in some way or another. I could start any number of things and be able to find a place for it. The problem is I don't know who or what I want to do. I have an package ready to mail to Matthew's Gift, so that's off the table for just now. I needed a break from thinking about the lost babies. I know how those mothers feel. I've been there. I feel guilty that I need to step back, but I do. I've been reading about Pine Ridge Reservation again. Do a bit of research, it's awful there. There are three groups on Ravelry that serve PRR: Bundles of Joy, which is a lot of baby knitting with occasional other goals thrown in. For the Children of Pine Ridge, which serves ...

I found a sweet pattern for a baby burial bunting that I got actual loss mama recommendation for. It's the  Knitted Burial Bunting pattern  and one of the moms in HAPL on Ravelry said she got one for her daughter. She said it was just right. I'm taking that recommendation to the bank and am making a bunch of them. First one is meant for Rochester Methodist Hospital in Rochester, whenever I get there again. Second and third ones are for  Matthew's Gift  (link goes to a previous blog post that I did about them, which contains pertinent links). I am about to cast on my fourth one. They're rather addictive. I'm also working on a crocheted bunting that is similar to these knitted ones. I'm making up the pattern, noting what I'm doing, and I will probably put the directions up here. There aren't too many burial item patterns, or perhaps I should say there should be more patterns. Especially patterns that are nice for boys. Lace and frills are...

I discovered a new charity. Well, I knew about it, but I hadn't paid too much attention to it. Recently though, I read through it all and I now have Tiri's little froggy bank repurposed as a postage saving bank. :-) Here is the  Matthew's Gift Facebook page  and the  Matthew's Gift Ravelry group . Matthew's mom is putting together memory boxes for lost babies, with gowns and hats for the babies and keepsakes for their mothers. The photos of her first donation are lovely. I would have loved to get a box this beautiful and personalizes when Freddy was born. I've been knitting and crocheting, of course. I'm working on a  Knitted Burial Bunting . Adorable little thing! I made one that I plan to take to Rochester at some point, and now some for M'sG. If you have the heart for it, please check out Matthew's Gift and contribute what you can. <3

On Wednesday last week Tiri told me that she had a sore throat when she got home from school. Later on she denied it, but the handbook says they need to stay out of school 24 hours after they are symptom free. Kept her home on Wednesday, everything seemed to be fine Thursday so she went to school. As evening approached, she seemed to be dragging. Friday, you could tell she was getting sick. Much as I tried, she so helpfully got into Fritz's face and by Saturday he was also sick. Yesterday, it got me. Except this is me: Oh well.

I mentioned in a previous post that I was working on a donation in memory of Freddy. The name evolved a few times, but ended up being  The Freddy Project Memorial Donation 2015 . On December 10th, Jerek and I went to Eau Claire, WI and I delivered 72 hats to two hospitals and a crisis pregnancy care clinic. 72 hats, divided by 3, equals 24 hats per place. Each place for 24 because Freddy would be 24 months. Sacred Heart Hospital got this set: Luther Middelfort Hospital, part of Mayo Clinic Heath System, got this set: And Apple Pregnancy Care Clinic got this set: 72 babies will wear my hats in Freddy's place. I hope their mothers love them as much as I love Freddy.

Today's post is dedicated to my husband, Jerek, and to all the other dads who have had to lay a child to rest.  There is much out there for mothers (relatively) who have lost babies. Support groups, jewelry, etc etc. The same cannot be said for dads. Most dads cry in secret, trying to hide their pain while being the rock for their partners. Men don't talk about it very much. But make no mistake, dads hurt too. I'll share a story of my husband's. It illustrates something that should never be said to a grieving father. After our son's funeral, some friends put on a little snack lunch. My midwife was hovering over me since I was still weak from the blood loss after Freddy's birth. My husband was moving around, talking to people. One of the folks who was attending (unmarried and childless, I might add) told him that loss did not affect fathers. It is probably a very good thing I did not hear that first hand. I was out of tact, grace, and manners. It would ...

You should be 2 years old. We would not be marking the occasion in any spectacular way, other than your mommy and daddy looking back on how you had changed in that amount of time. You would probably be walking and even trying to run. Talking, chasing your sister, getting into her things. I wonder if you would still be breastfeeding? Probably. Getting to the 2 year old picky eater stage? I wouldn't be a bit surprised. But. You are not here with us. You are sleeping in a small white box with your grandmother on a hill outside of Nelson. You're wrapped in a blanket, wearing pajamas, and the only mama-mades that I was able to put on you. I'm glad you're wearing them. It made it easier for me to let them put you up there when it was snowing. I knew you wouldn't feel it, my baby, but still I didn't want you to be cold. I cared for you for as long as I could. Instead I sit here, writing this and hoping that someday Jehovah will resurrect you, as he promised he ...